Dec 5
When I want to feel bad about myself, I read Katie Baker's monthly column Wedded Blitz, a "highly scientific sabermetric analysis" of the New York Times' wedding section. Reading about the nuptuals of 12th generation Harvard grads, brides with dual-PhDs in neuromedicine and astrobiology, and famous-parent-trust-fund babies does wonders for one's self-esteem.
I know it sounds fantastic, and it usually is, but this week, Katie Baker has simply outdone herself with the following paragraph:
The extraneous information conveyed in another announcement, on the other hand, left me clapping maniacally in joy. "The bridegroom's mother, a certified public accountant, is the controller of the United Trust Fund, a real estate investment firm. She also owns Gift Chixx, a shop." SHE ALSO OWNS GIFT CHIXX, A SHOP. There is no comparison to this sentence and there never will be. This sentence is the one that everyone hopes will be their Secret Santa in book club. This sentence owns a mug with the face of its favorite dog breed (Westie) painted on it at one of those make-your-own-pottery places, which happens to be conveniently located next to this sentence. This sentence is on a diet but the calories don't count if it eats a bite of cheesecake off someone else's plate. I want this sentence to come to Kleinfeld's with me when I star in an episode of Say Yes to the Dress someday. I feel like this sentence would be supportive but also speak its mind.
This paragraph wishes it had written itself.
Wedded Blitz: The Month in the New York Times Wedding Section
Jul 28
In her unprecendented two-decade run on of cinematic cuckoldry, [Julianne] Moore has demonstrated true straying power, cheating on men and women, on the eldery and with twentysomethings. She’s had affairs with Oscar nominees and with the star of Police Academy 5 and shared forbidden French kisses in both English and Boston accents. At this point, her very presence in a movie alerts us to an unstable sexuality lurking just below the surface — or at least at the bottom of that extra glass of Chardonnay. She’s a marriage-wrecking, conflict-creating ginger-haired Jezebel. If you want to make a winning movie about losing a relationship, the formula is simple: Julianne Moore has got to cheat.
Awesome: Julianne Moore's Eleven Most Adulterous Performances
Jul 22
A woman walks in a bar in Montana, middle of nowhere. She sits down next to an old weather beaten man in a ten gallon hat, spurs, the whole nine yards. She says "Are you a real cowboy?" He pauses, tips back his hat, looks at her and says "Yep, I reckon I am". She replies "I'm a lesbian. All day long I do nothing but think about women, from the moment I get up in the morning to the moment I fall asleep at night." She finishes her drink and leaves. A few minutes later a husband and wife, obviously tourists, walk in and sit down next to the cowboy. The husband says "Are you a real cowboy?" He pauses, takes a sip of whiskey and replies, "Well I always thought I was but it turns out all this time I've been a lesbian."
(via BoingBoing)
Oct 14
How the fuck did that happen?
Sep 21
but not old enough not to enjoy this:
And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would have been worth while
After the LOLcats and the macros and the youtube clips,
After the spambots, after the blog space, after LiveJournal trailing on the floor --
And Digg, and so much more? --
It is impossible to type just what I mean!
But as if a new .avi threw the nerves in patterns on the screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, texting or throwing back Red Bull,
And turning towards the PC, should say,
"That is not what I typed at all.
That is not it. OH LOL."
THE .DOC FILE OF J ALFRED PRUFROCK
